Photo CC 2015 guna sekar
Something I find that a lot of people, including myself, struggle with is differentiating between needing something and wanting something. I find that often times, we trick our minds into thinking what we want to believe, but it’s often different from the reality in front of you. With this in mind, I want to dive into relationships, whether it be a friendship or a romantic relationship. Focusing on dealing with a breakup or heartbreak from these relationships, how we deal with it is all personal preference and unique. However, knowing what is true and what is false is what is most important in healing and learning to cope with these feelings. I see many times, by observing other people’s experiences, that people confuse needing the other person in a relationship. Of course, it’s hard to learn to live without the other after all the things the two of you have been through, but let’s see another side of this picture. There was a time before the two of you met, before all the experiences the two of you shared together. If you were able to do it before, you’ll be able to do it again, which is being able to live without them. That’s where we go back to the situation in front of us. It’s not that we need the other person in our life, it’s that we want the other person in our life. Coming to that realization helps us move on and in the long run, improve as individuals.
Getting picked (need to vs. want to)
By Seth Godin
Sure, it’s fun to be picked, anointed, given social approval for what you do — the newspaper writes you up, you get invited to speak at graduation, your product gets featured on the front page of a website or blog…
The thing is, it’s really difficult to get picked, and those doing the picking don’t have nearly the power they used to. (Pause for a second to consider that double math problem: there are way more offerings, creators and choices, and, at the same time, an order of magnitude more media outlets, each with far less power than Oprah or Johnny ever had).
More than twenty years ago, at what he then believed was the high point of his career, Marc Maron auditioned for Saturday Night Live. Lorne wasn’t impressed, nor was he kind, and Marc didn’t get picked to become a cast member.
Today, of course, Marc’s podcast is popular, lucrative and fun. Marc didn’t get there because someone picked him, he picked himself (in fact, now he’s the one getting pitched).
In the SNL instance, Marc had a career path where he needed to get picked. Unless a casting agent or booker picked him, he had nothing.
With his podcast, though, Marc might still want to get picked, but he’s going to do just fine if he’s not. By growing from the grassroots, Marc finds his own power. Not because he’s still doing the same thing. No, because he’s doing a different thing, in a different way, for a different audience, monetizing it differently.
The artist who struggles in obscurity, unfairly ignored because he hasn’t been picked–that’s a poignant sight. But at some point, the artist has the obligation to seek a different path, one that isn’t dependent on a system that doesn’t deserve him.
It’s easier than ever to imagine a successful project or career or organization that isn’t dependent on being picked by those with power.
If you’re frustrated that you’re not getting picked, one plan is to up your game, to hustle harder, to figure out how to hone a pitch and push, push, push. But in the era of picking yourself, it seems to me that you’re better off finding a path that doesn’t require you get picked in order to succeed.